‘Maybe blow-up dolls invaded Ireland during the Dark Ages, landing in the bay here. They raped the men and pillaged the women, adopted the children to imprint their rubbery ways on them, turning them into blow-up orphans. Hence,’ she concludes, ‘Dollymount Strand.’
Everest is a big, pretentious name for a new-born. But would Dympna have named her only son Everest if she had known that he would be a fat albino boy? The comparisons with the snow-covered mountain peak are startling, to be fair.
Betty Beasley, A.K.A Queen B, is a raving, self-delusional, pipe-smoking, bitch-boss from Hell who suffers from major delusions of grandeur. Queen B is the public toilets supervisor at Dublin Airport. Nobody is more dedicated to the smooth flow of human effluent than Queen B.
Queen B makes the mistake of sacking a Hungarian cleaner who happens to dabble in black magic and plays with voodoo dolls at the weekend.
Jokingly, Queen B chucks a fifty cent down her personal state-of-the-art Japanese toilet and makes three wishes:
Wish 1. Meet a man (any man).
Wish 2. Dada wakes up from his two-year coma.
Wish 3. Have one last chat with deceased Mama.
Queen B’s wishes come true but not how she had planned…
Mama, rest in pieces, used to call it Dada’s hibernation because, sometimes, people don’t wake up from a coma.